A baby who once smiled at every visitor may start protesting when you leave or reaching for you during a handover. This can make a necessary appointment, workday or short break feel difficult. The aim is to give the baby a clear, caring experience while making the arrangement workable for the adults. It is not a test of how quickly a baby can stop crying.

Understand the change without judging the relationship

The Canadian Paediatric Society describes separation fears as common in later infancy, often becoming noticeable around eight or nine months. Unfamiliar people or situations may also be upsetting. Respond with reassurance rather than teasing or forcing contact. A baby’s protest does not, by itself, tell you whether a caregiver or arrangement is suitable. [1]

Look at the whole situation. Is this a familiar person, an unfamiliar room, an unusually rushed morning or a baby who seems unwell? Write down what has changed before deciding a particular explanation must apply. More than one practical factor may need attention.

Avoid comparing the baby with a sibling or declaring that they are manipulative. You can acknowledge distress and still arrange necessary care. If another adult dismisses your baby’s reaction, explain the plan you want followed in simple, specific terms.

Build familiarity while you are available

Babies can form secure relationships with more than one caring adult. CPS emphasises warm, sensitive, consistent responses in ordinary routines. A responsive childcare relationship does not replace the baby’s relationship with their parent. Getting to know another caregiver is a relationship to support, not a competition for the baby’s affection. [2]

If possible, spend a short period together before a longer separation. Let the caregiver participate in something ordinary: a song, a change or supervised floor play. Explain the baby’s cues without requiring the new adult to imitate every movement you make.

Ask the caregiver what information helps them. A concise note about feeds, sleep, comfort and contacts is easier to use than a long account of every previous unsettled day. Include individual health and safety instructions clearly, with professional directions where applicable.

Make the goodbye understandable

Choose a short phrase you can use consistently, such as “I’m going now. Sam will look after you. I’ll come back after your afternoon rest.” Use wording that fits the arrangement. For a baby, the repeated sequence may matter more than understanding the time reference.

Hand the baby to a caregiver who is ready to respond. Avoid starting several different goodbye rituals or repeatedly reopening the door because you feel unsure. This is a practical suggestion, not a rule that you must ignore a baby’s needs or leave an unsuitable situation.

Tell the caregiver when and how you want an update. A brief message at an agreed time may be more useful than checking continuously. If the service cannot provide the type of communication you expect, discuss that before a full day rather than assuming a silent phone means everything is fine or everything is wrong.

Agree what comforting looks like

Describe what the baby usually finds helpful and what you want avoided. Ask how the caregiver responds to distress and how they decide a baby needs a different approach or medical attention. Make safe sleep and feeding instructions explicit; comforting should not involve abandoning those arrangements.

For a relative, you might say: “Please hold and reassure her, check the usual care needs and call me if you are concerned. Do not change her feeds or sleeping space without discussing it.” Adjust the wording to your baby’s care plan and the length of time away.

Leave practical supplies where they can be found. Another adult cannot carry out a clear plan if the labelled milk, clean clothes or contact number is missing. Solve those gaps rather than attributing every difficult handover to the baby’s temperament.

Review more than the doorway moment

Ask about the period after departure: whether the baby accepted comfort, engaged with the caregiver, fed and rested as expected. At collection, ask one or two concrete questions instead of requesting a perfect summary while everyone is putting on coats.

Keep your own record brief and factual. Note repeated concerns and any changes you agreed to try. If you need to discuss the caregiver’s approach, arrange a separate conversation rather than arguing over the baby during handover.

Adjust the adult workload too

A separation plan can be emotionally and practically demanding. Agree who packs, who handles drop-off and who receives calls. One adult should not automatically remain responsible for every detail simply because the baby protests more with them.

Plan the return home with some flexibility when possible. Avoid scheduling every evening task into the first few minutes after collection. Decide which chores can wait so the adults are not trying to reconnect, prepare dinner and solve tomorrow’s bag at once.

When to ask for help

Seek professional advice if distress is intense, persistent or interferes with everyday activities, or if you have concerns about your child’s development or wellbeing. CPS recommends discussing fears that significantly affect daily life with a doctor. Take specific observations, and also raise any concern about the quality or safety of the care arrangement. [1]

The useful question is not whether your baby is “good at separation”. It is whether they have responsive care, a workable routine and adults who review problems thoughtfully.

General education for parents and caregivers. These guides do not assess your child or replace care from a qualified professional. For advice about your pregnancy or child, contact your care team.